Friday, June 29, 2007

Date Movie

I'm embarrased to say I watched the movie earlier this week...(Wednesday...yea that sounds right)

And that's all I really have to say about this one. It's a waste. Alyson Hannigan deserves better.



Sophie Monk looks great, but she's got a bit of a wierd face. Kinda scrunchy lookin. Almost like she's got a bitter beer face. Her body is smokin though. She's on the verge of being a buttaface. Anyways. They put her in some pretty skimpy clothes (see exhibit A...if you will), which is great, but that's about all there is.

I'd also like to say that they need to give these kinds of movies a rest. It's getting pathetic. The first couple of Scary Movies where good, but now these are just down right sad. They're reaching for material now. I don't need to see one of these every 8 months.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

How NOT to Masturbate

NSFW....Seriously....NSFW



"Thats not how you do it you are doing it to slow.... and stop making eye contact!"

Apparently, I'm not Busy Enough at Work...

...if I have time to find shit like this.





Seriously.....what the hell?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

People I Wouldn't Do...

Yea that's right. I'm about to go there.

I thought up the subject to talk about a few weeks back. Thought it would be a fun (for me at least...nobody really cares about you...) ongoing topic (OK I lied...I care) where as hoors (yes I'm going with that spelling) got uglier and more anyong (Hello!), I could add them to the list. I've already got a small backlog to get us started. Some would say they're pretty obvious. I'm going to go ahead and put them up here. Hopefully with all the typing, my boss will think I'm hard at work. (Sucker!)


Contestant No. 1. ...and it pains me that I'm actually going to post her pic since this is one of the people I would like to punch in the face (ever play that game? it's fun...)...well that and the fact that I told myself I would never give this whore any attention on this space, but I might have to make an exception for this subject and today since she got out of jail.

I think this pic is a vast improvement. No caked on makeup. No fake blue contacts (usually, I'm not opposed to those). Hell, she even looks sober..


Still, I wouldn't hit that with your dick. (Remember, how I said I care? They're you go...) Rumor is she's got herpes. (That shit's like luggage. You keep it forever...(thanks Eddie!) Ugh. Moving on...

Second Suitor (heheh you're right Brodie, that does sounds like bathroom code..)

I'm being kind posting this pic of you, cause it's been a steep decline ever since then. You're old (shit you're not even 21, yet you look like you've been rode hard and put away wet...gawd I love that phrase.) and busted now. I swear I wouldn't have anything to do with you, even though I hear you shag like a minx (say that last bit with an Austin Powers accent. It will make sense...if you've seen the move. Otherwise, you're screwed)

Go away. You peaked at 17. You're on a bit of an upswing lately in the looks department...but you're still a coked out hoor. Fuck off you nasty wanka! (sometimes...in my dreams I secretly wish I was British....just cause they're insults sound funny.)

Oh yea, now I remember who my 3rd person is. Gawd how far she's fallen. She's not even a slump buster anymore. She's fallen below that.

(editor's note...Hey, That's Me!)I couldn't bring myself to post any of the ugo pics cause quite frankly they tend to haunt my dreams, so I prefer to remember the good times...the happy times.

Funny thing... I know Christina Aguilera went through an uggo phase (it was slightly after her "dirrty phase"...and if I had this blog a few years back, she probably would of been on it. But she's rebounded quite nicely and apparently has her shit together. I'd post her pic, but she really should get her own post.
Honest to god, people say, "yea, but if you had the chance, you'd still do her". Even drunk, I'm pretty sure I would have the wherewith all to Just Say No! I'm not lying. I wouldn't touch them with your dick (damn that's twice I used that phrase in this post...oh well, maybe I'll think of another adjective later on).

Monday, June 25, 2007

My Weekend Movie Review

...by Google Image Search. Well sort of. I'm going to review these movies in 1 word. Then I will Google Image search that work, and post the 1st thing that comes up. Sound rediculous? Well yea...but to make it fun, I'm going to not tell you the "word" I used. You'll have to guess. How's dem apples taste now? Delicious? huh? Ok, then give me one...


Underworld Evolution

(This one was a bit hard, as I wanted to keep it clean this time, so I broke my own rule. Oh well. Suddenly i have a craving for a Coke...ahem a Diet Coke.)


Knocked Up
(This one is just random. Really, really random. But hey, that's what Google gave me.)



Munich (Is the pic small enough...jeez)

Glory Road (Yea, this one's kinda a gimmie. Still, the picture is hilarious.)


Ocean's 13
Actually, I think this one can go either way....and we'll probably accept either way.

Legend
This is one that a friend at work wanted me to watch. Wow was it bad. Bad as in a cheezy (oops...did I give away the picture?) '80's movie that you want to laugh at. Funny, it's got Tom Cruise and Tim Curry (Who? yea...apparently he's a big deal) in it and I wanna say that was Sloan from Ferris Bueller as well, but I'm not sure. Oh, and it is directed by Ridley Scott. Yea, that Ridley Scott. Maybe I should of been on something...'shrooms, LSD, weed? Any suggestions?

Wow. That's way too many movies for one weekend. I have a life. I promise I do...

P.S. I know what you're thinking. If he wasn't brown skinned... he'd be as pale as ... as...well shit I dunno.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

2 Reasons To Go See....


Aww fuck I forgot what I was talking about.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Monday, June 18, 2007

Robot Chicken: Star Wars

Yesterday, Robot Chicken had a special episode where they "spoof" (that sounds dirtier than it should....maybe we should start using it that way) Star Wars. They even had the help from George Lucas and ILM, so that means it's official and shit.

They've done Star Wars on the show before, pretty damn well I might add. Check this out.



Here's the same scene, embedded from Adult Swim. I just wanna compare quality.



Hilarious. "What the hell is an aluminum falcon?"

Anyway. Here's the link to the Adult Swim site where you can watch the entire special, along with interviews of the creators (Seth Green and some other guy) talking about each skit. Highly recommended.

Another great clip involves Admiral Ackbar




Hilarious. "It's a trap!"...."Your taste buds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!"

Another skit that I Can't stop laughing at involves Jar Jar.



If you like Star Wars, it's well worth your time. If you don't like Star Wars, then we can't be friends.

Friday, June 08, 2007

ATTENTION ALCOHOLICS...

LOCATED IN THE METROPLEX.


I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN HEAR. THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF. DO I NEED TO REPEAT MYSELF? TOO BAD, I'M NOT GOING TO. WHY NOT? CAUSE F U! THAT'S WHY. WHY'S IT ALL ABOUT ACCOMODATING YOU?

DON'T SAY I NEVER GAVE YOU NOTHING. IS THAT EVEN PROPER ENGLISH? I DON'T THINK SO. WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THAT, ANYWAY?

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? JUST CLICK THE LINK. I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL.

THANK ME LATER. ANY BY THANKING ME LATER, YOU CAN BUY ME A BEER.

P.S.

LOUD NOISES!


POST FROM THE FUTURE:

YES, I HAD THIS BLOG WRITTEN BEFORE YOU SENT THAT EMAIL. SERIOUSLY. CHECK THE DATE. IT WAS JUST IN DRAFT MODE. I DID KNOW ABOUT THAT WEBSITE.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Cybersex Gone Wrong

These chat logs are hilarious. These have been around a long time and are . I remember seeing thise around my junior year at A&M. Now that I have a blog, I have a place to keep these. Might be redundant as they are all over the web now. They're funny though, so F off.

*******************************************************************
So I was having cybersex the other day. It was pretty good I guess. Here it is:



bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics . The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?


Yeah it was pretty sweet.
*******************************************************************

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
*******************************************************************

This kinda sucked.

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
*******************************************************************

Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:
*******************************************************************

hotstud69: Hello there
blondebabe4u: Hi
hotstud69: What is your name?
blondebabe4u: Sandy , urs?
hotstud69: Bob, nice to meet you.. what are you doing tonight?
blondebabe4u: Nothing, just chatting, u?
hotstud69: not too much, just sitting around... what are you wearing?
blondebabe4u: oh just my thong and a tank top.
hotstud69: oh wow, I would love to see that, what do you look like?
blondebabe4u: I am 5'6" blonde hair, green eyes, 120 lbs, you?
hotstud69: i am 6'0" 175, brown hair, blue eyes, and tan
blondebabe4u: you sound very handsome
hotstud69: how about I pull that tank top off?
blondebabe4u: Oh Bob, i would love for you too....
hotstud69: Oh yea, those look great... they feel nice too
blondebabe4u: yes bob, my 36D's like that, you are good
hotstud69: oh yes, they feel so good, I am squeezing them..
blondebabe4u: yes bob, you know what you are doing.
hotstud69: Oh yea, I am getting so excited
blondebabe4u: need me to help you there Bob
hotstud69: oh yea, let me unzip for you
blondebabe4u: oh wow bob, you have a nice one
hotstud69: OH SHIT
blondebabe4u: What?
hotstud69: SON OF A BITCH!!!
blondebabe4u: whats wrong?
hotstud69: Got it stuck in the zipper...
blondebabe4u: What?
hotstud69: oh god, I am bleeding.....
blondebabe4u: bob, are you ok?
hotstud69: OMG... OMG...
blondebabe4u: Bob??
hotstud69: I am feeling faint... blood everywhere...
blondebabe4u: are you ok?
hotstud69: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!
blondebabe4u: what bob what??
hotstud69: IT FEEL OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
blondebabe4u: fell off?
hotstud69: it is on the floor, laying there... I am looking at it, damn, thought it would be bigger.........
blondebabe4u: call an abulance...
hotstud69: I can't
blondebabe4u: why
hotstud69: Because I am on the computer
blondebabe4u: well get off
hotstud69: the last time tried to get off, my dick fell off........
blondebabe4u: bob??
blondebabe4u: bob??
blondebabe4u: bob??
hotstud69: has left the room
*******************************************************************

Bigbenny02: hi, a/s/l?
kwazyfwies: hiya 18/f/usa u?
Bigbenny02: wow, 18/m/usa
Bigbenny02: want to cyber?
kwazyfwies: yes
kwazyfwies: you start ok?
Bigbenny02: ok then
Bigbenny02: I slowly advanced towards you, my breathing quickens
kwazyfwies: I'm laying on my bed with just my blouse and nikers on
Bigbenny02: I growl like a sexualy frustrated beast!
kwazyfwies: lol, I ask you to come closer
Bigbenny02: I run across the room and jump on top of you...
kwazyfwies: easy big boy
Bigbenny02: i turn you over, and rub your back slowly
kwazyfwies: mmmm thats nice
Bigbenny02: I pin you down and let loose an evil hissing sound
kwazyfwies: wtf?
Bigbenny02: Surprise! muhahahahahaha, i'm a vampire, and i vant to suck your blood!
kwazyfwies: forget it physco
Bigbenny02: don't you like it like that babyface?
kwazyfwies: no
Bigbenny02: i was only joking! sorry, let me try again
kwazyfwies: ok
Bigbenny02: I gently caress your tender bottem.
kwazyfwies: I moan softly
Bigbenny02: All of a suden I scream loudly, pull apart your arse cheeks, burry my face in the dingle berry encrusted hair mass, and inhale deeply through my nose
kwazyfwies: you sick fuck
Bigbenny02: you smell bad baby, do you wash?
kwazyfwies: bye looser.
Bigbenny02: sorry, its my bad sense of humor, Most people i say it to find it funny?
kwazyfwies: ...i don't
Bigbenny02: I turn you over, and pull out my purple headed warrior
kwazyfwies: its not very big
Bigbenny02: you won't be saying that when it infiltrates your poop tube and rips apart your colon!!!
Bigbenny02: I thrust my pocket rocket at you, and begin humping your leg like a powerful german shepard!
kwazyfwies: don't talk to me ever again
Bigbenny02: I move my hands down to your black triangle of love, somehow managing to wade through the jungle of pubic hair, i find a pink patch...
Bigbenny02: omg. hidden in the hair is a small penis!
kwazyfwies: i'm reporting you...
Bigbenny02: I squeel like a freshly wounded pig at the sight of it.
Bigbenny02: "so thats your dark secret!" i scream, "you sick twisted bitch!"
Bigbenny02: u run away, into the night, crying, the cold wind whipps your naked flesh, i chase after you
Bigbenny02: i drop kick you, and rip off your left leg leaving a small bloody stump. "you aint pretty no more!!!"
kwazyfwies: blocked. looza
Bigbenny02: bye sweet stuff
*******************************************************************

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: hey you?
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: im good
el_effu_gone_wild: wuz up babe how u been
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: so good now
el_effu_gone_wild: what u doing
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: chilling at home
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: and now im thinking about you
el_effu_gone_wild: me too babe
el_effu_gone_wild: what's up what u wanna do
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: ciber
el_effu_gone_wild: are u wet?
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: I don't know are you baby?
el_effu_gone_wild: im soaking wet
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: what do you like?
el_effu_gone_wild: big tasty pussies
el_effu_gone_wild: u got one
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: oh yeah, me to
el_effu_gone_wild: are u naked?
el_effu_gone_wild: what are ur measurements
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: we are are making out on the couch
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: re you a dude?
el_effu_gone_wild: yeah why?
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: god damn it so am i
el_effu_gone_wild: forget it
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: thats ok we can still make this work. wear on the couch and I'm rubbing your tits
el_effu_gone_wild: oh hell no
el_effu_gone_wild: no way
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: come on,I was in prison. How about you?
el_effu_gone_wild: never been there thank you
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: your welcome
el_effu_gone_wild: ok
el_effu_gone_wild: you can try
el_effu_gone_wild: with
el_effu_gone_wild: madamlibrarian21
el_effu_gone_wild: that's a nick find her yourself
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: I go down on your warm wet pussy
el_effu_gone_wild: try also anamaria_maria2003 you might find her too
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: licking it
el_effu_gone_wild: you aint going nowhere with me
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: then I turn you over and make you eat my ass. mmmmm that fills good babe your tits are big
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: Oh mmmm, just like that. I take you by the hips and do you fast lick a prison Guard
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: hello
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: el_effu_gone_wild are you playing?
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: hi?
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: answer me bitch or i'll stab you on the block
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: I didn't mean that come back to bed
juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: that it fish , your going to be guided
*******************************************************************

bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a b*tch anyway.
bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
*******************************************************************

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate: I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
bloodninja: I'm on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
bloodninja: How did you know?
bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the f**k?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k
*******************************************************************

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and sh*t. You know, rollin with tha homies and sh*t.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh sh*t, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f*ck women...
J-Dogg: Sh*t just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipsh*t.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Wednesday Sucked

Thank god the day's over, cause earlier today I just wanted a do over.
Not enough sleep, woke up tired. Dragged ass all day. (damn I sound like my coach).
Traffic sucked cause I left a few minutes later than usual. I think I rand 4 or 5 red lights today...I don't know I lost track. I seemed to catch them all in the late yellow point and it was too late to stop. Got damn lucky nobody caught me.

Got to work, nothing felt off, like when you forgot your watch. Boring day at work and the message boards were soo slow that they didn't have anything interesting to read.

Luch sucked. The beer battered fish was small (like the size of large hush puppies and there were only 4 of them), and it didn't taste very good. At least it was free. All day today, I think my shirt got more of a drink that I got in my mouth. Spilling tea all over the place. Earlier in the morning, I was wanting a "do over". After lunch, I figured I would try and ride it out.

Get home, and fall asleep on the couch for 2 hours. Missed the chance to go play some sand volleyball with some friends which I was really looking forward to. Nothing good to watch on tv except for a new episode of OTH.

I did get to thoroughly dominate the unwashed masses at the Halo 3 Beta. Got through a team match with 29 kills (call Guiness!). We lost 48 to 47 though. Kicker was, that 2 of our teammates licked ass and quit. Fuckers. I forgot to save the video. Check out the report.

Fucked up my iTunes on the computer, and now all my playlists, star ratings, play counts are all fucked up. Not looking forward to redoing that. (That's what she said) My last hope is that when I syne my iPod I can get all (or at least most of it) back.

Then spent the rest of the night trying to fall asleep.

Monday, June 04, 2007

WEEDS

No I'm not doing lawn care (you racist sonuvabitch). I'm not toking up either, but damn it if it wasn't tempting to after watching Season 1 set. Seriously, just do it recreationally, not become like a big pothead. Sound like fun? Any takers?

Very funny show that runs on Showtime. I had heard about it and how good it was, but since I don't subscribe, I never got the chance untill I found the dvd set for cheap earlier in the year. Thank god for the slow summer months tv goes through. Season 1 has 10 episodes at about 30 minutes each. Went through it in 2 evenings. Loved it. Very funny stuff and it was glad to see Kevin Nealon in something again. I thought he was funny in the Weekend Update chair of SNL, and he's funny in this as well. Anyway, recommend stuff. I think Season 2 comes out at the end of this month and ait quickly became a must buy.


Now here's a YT (YT...Oh look at me! I'm abreviating short words. I'm hip.... piece from Season 1 that had me rolling on the floor.



Shut Up Bitch!

Alright Season 2 of Veronica Mars is done, and I'm really kinda pissed at myself that I didn't help keep this show on the air longer than 3 seasons. It's a great show that's alot of fun to watch. I don't think I've been this addicted to a show since the first 2 seasons of Alias (ah...good times).

I can't seem to decide which season was better. I'd probably give it to S1, but not by much. Didn't really care for the Jackie character. I thought she was anyong (Hello!). Oh, and Steve Guttenberg looks weird, but I think it's cause he caught the Whoopi Goldberg...i.e. no eyebrows. (damn I hope I did that part right.) The season also has a regular appearances of Charisma Carpenter being her bitchy self (she's great to look at and pretty funny, but damn I'm not sure she's got more acting range) Speaking of her looks, that girls got the darkest nipples I've ever seen. Seriously. Wonder if that's a condition or natural? Oh yea, and Willow shows up for a bit. Seems Rob Thomas (the creator...and no it's not that Rob Thomas) was a fan of Buffy.

Now since I seem to be on a bit of a Kristen Bell kick (I'd definetly hit it...as if that needed to be said), I came across this video on YouTube of this move/musical she did. Not only does it shatter any preconceived notions I may have had about her (seriously, watch VM, then watch this video...the juxtaposition is pretty evident), it's also got a pretty good payoff at the end.







By the way, the song did get stuck in my head for a few days (I guess it didn't help that I kept watching it day after day....anyways, you've been warned. (Maybe I should of put that before the video.....but that would of meant I'm a nice guy, and we all know... I'm an asshole.)) According to the comments on the YouTube videos, the movie is pretty funny. Yea, I know, those comments are to be trusted. Either way, I'm going hunting for this dvd and see if I can find it cheap.