New Toy

Excellent

Of course the first thing any sane person does is take a picture of themselves. I decide to take a picture of my balls.

In an effort to keep the blog semi safe for work, I just made a link to the photo. Click the link.

For you enthusiasts, here's another angle.

Big aren't they? You wouldn't be wrong if you referred to them as "grandiose". Should I be worried about the difference in color? I dunno. One's a little smoother than the other, but that's because it gets more attention than the other. Yes, there is a bit of jealously involved, but they'll get over it.

Look for me to add more random ass picture to the blog soon.

Drillbit Taylor

One of the perks with my new hours is that I get to do stuff during the day...something pretty foreign to me as I'm usually at work. Well I decided to catch up on a movie I've wanted to see but haven't gotten around to it.



Funny little thing about seeing a movie at 12PM on a weekday (not summer), you're the only one in there. It's actually kinda odd. Not sure if they were expecting anyone at that time, since their machine was down. If I would of played my cards right, I could of gotten in for free....but the dumbass in me said I had a card and they were able to swipe it. EFFFF!


Gotta say I enjoyed it. Some really funny parts. I plan to torture/harass somebody the way they did it in the movie.Best way to describe the movie would be sort of like a Superbad lite. Funny little movie, with Owen Wilson being the worst part. I found him kind of Anyong (Hello!). The short fat kid was funny. He's like a younger version of Jonah Hill....except from the east coast...like maybe brooklyn, except not.



P.S. I'd put up a picture or poster of this movie on this post, but they all suck...so no dice.

Props to the State Department

10 day (that includes a Sunday...so it's more like 9 days) turnaround from me sending off for my passport, to me receiving it in the mail is really impressive....until you consider I paying for a piece of flimsy ass paper that I'm betting I'll only use a handful of times. Now it looks like a screw job. "Da gubment didn't just tak r jowbs....dey tuuk mah mahne".

WTF?!?!

Blank blog post here....not sure what happened. Was I going to write something insightful or did I just f this up? Maybe I just need a place to upload the funniest clip of...well this week. I'm sure a new one will replace it soon. The picture is just a tease...cause that's how you like it...don't you bitch. Yea...that's what I thought. If you think about it...what she's saying is probably pretty close to the title of this post.




Click for the full gif

I Might Have To Choke A Bitch

Seriously, I just might. My superitendent won't shut the fuck up this morning. He's in and out of the office and just keeps on rambling about all kinds of bullshit. Oh, and he's complaining about actually having to do his job. I'm this fucking close to starting something, and in my head, we've already had it out...

So there's that. Oh and my computer mouse is being a dildo (would that qualify as a South Park reference?...I dunno) and won't fucking cooperate either.

If I make it 3 more hours without committing a crime, it will be quite a feat.

Seriously, check on me later this afternoon to make sure they didn't throw me in military jail.

Here's hoping I can drown all this out with my iPod.

P.S. Oh and holy Chripes does the intwebs fucking sucks between 3-6 AM. Amazing.

South Park You Tube Fight Cheat Sheet

Samwell - "What What (In the Butt)" - http://youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

"Chocolate Rain" Original Song by Tay Zonday - http://youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA

Numa Numa (the Maiyahi guy) - http://youtube.com/watch?v=60og9gwKh1o

Afro Ninja (originally made famous through eBaum's even though he's a dick) - http://youtube.com/watch?v=BEtIoGQxqQs

Star Wars Kid - http://youtube.com/watch?v=HPPj6viIBmU

Cute Sneezing Panda - http://youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk

Dramatic Look Gopher - http://youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40

Leave Britney Alone! (Chris Crocker) - http://youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

Laughing Baby - http://youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

(These guys are sitting in the chairs in the background....they don't do much) Chinese Backstreet Boys - That Way - http://youtube.com/watch?v=N2rZxCrb7iU

(F if I know who the hell this is.....somebody said they were in the there) Bubb Rubb (Whistle Tip, WHOOO!!! original video circa. 2003) - http://youtube.com/watch?v=ccgXjA2BLEY

(I think she's the random girl sitting in the background of the lobby)lonelygirl15 profile on YouTube (R.I.P. Jess-- I mean, Bree) - http://youtube.com/profile?user=lonelygirl15

So what is the normal price to pay for sex then?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! Montan's all kinds of fucked up.

If You Need Cheering Up...

Do all babies do this, cause I could be on board for that. How would this ever get old?

(Yes, this is the baby from the AIG commercial and not the South Park episode from 4/2...so what?)

Downtown Dallas...Jetsons Style

3/11/08 The entire metroplex was under heavy fog. The division president just sent these out. I thought they were pretty cool. Looks like something out fo the Jetsons...hence the title.

Another Case of the White Man Holding the Brown Man Down!

1. Dirty Garza

While doing a girl doggy style the man's free hands are stealing money out of her purse.
When I lost my wallet on vacation I had to give this chick a Dirty Garza just to pay for my drinks for the rest of the week.

Sonuvabitch! That's all I really have to say.

Thanks to my krakas ass friend Steven for pointing this one out. Bet you laughed your ass off when you first read this, didn't you?!?

Apparently...

this is not a foul.

Here's an LA Times picture...so you know I'm not being biased and shit.

Yeah for Mom!

Got my first forwards from my mom. (I'm not counting the refinery explosion email) this morning. These are sweet. It makes me happy to see that she now has a work email address...and is getting forwards from people. Glad my mom has finally entered the 90's. The next few years should be very exciting for her. For those that live in the now, please don't spoil it for her as she likes to be surprised.(still love you mom!)
**************************************************
THIS IS PRETTY NEAT,
93% won't forward this

Place your mouse on the E below and drag to the U.

Even though you can't see Him, GOD is there for yoU

When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!
If you are one of the 7% who will stand up for him, forward
this with the title 7%. 93% of people won't forward this.

***********************************************************************************

2nd Email
***********************************************************************************
The difference between white &
**mexican **weddings. *

WHITES: send out invitations.
MEXICANS: send out maps.

WHITES: receive their invitations 3 months in advance.
MEXICANS: find out about the wedding 1 week before from the tia or
the abuela, or the chismosa neighbor

WHITES: have seven Brides Maids.
MEXICANS: have seven pages of Padrinos .

WHITES: RSVP their invitation.
MEXICANS: show up with three car loads and one gift

WHITES: go to the wedding AND the reception.
MEXICANS: just go to the reception .

WHITES: have elegant food.
MEXICANS: have arroz, frijoles and birria.

WHITES: order the cake from a bakery.
MEXICANS: have their cake done by la señora down the street.

WHITES: eat the food and cake.
MEXICANS: eat the food and cake.......... AND take some home para mañana.

WHITES: at the reception, they drink wine
MEXICANS: at the reception, they drink Coors, Budweiser. Bud Light ,
Bud Ice , Corona, Tecate, Pacifico, Casadores, Patron, Presidente, Jose
Cuervo , Gusano's, Reposado, and anything else that is not glued to the
decorations

WHITES: relatives get drunk and pass out.
MEXICANS: get drunk, shed a few tears and
start singing to Vicente Fernandez songs, fight , then show up at your house drink more, then
pass out.

WHITES: dance at the party...................YEAH RIGHT!!!
MEXICANS: dance at the party to Norteñas, Rancheras, Reggaeton,
Rap, Old School, Oldies, House, then proceed drunk to the parking lot and
resume the dancing

WHITES: party ends at midnight.
MEXICANS: party ends when the COPS show up , then everyone goes to your
house lol

WHITES: wake up the next morning NOT WANTING another beer.
MEXICANS: wake up the next morning at your house WANTING another beer
and left over menudo and pastel

Now, you know you are laughing - cuz
you've done at least 6 of these. I sure have!!!

Send this to all of those who have a sense of humor and are Proud to
be MEXICAN!!! And to the Gringos that love you for being a MEXICAN!

New Summer Movie Trailers

Works a little slow this morning (just like your mom) so I 've been able to check out some new movie trailers. If you haven't seen the new Indiana Jones trailer, than you must already dead.

First up, Iron Man

Iron Man Exclusive Trailer

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It looks like alot of fun. Unless reviews totally trash it, add it to the list.

Second would be The Love Guru, a new one by Mike Myers.



I'm a little iffy on this one even though I've been wondering what he's been up to. It's kinda funny and might have some potential, but I might need to see another trailer and some reviews to make a final decision.

GOB III on Conan

I rarely watch Conan, but last night I happen to stumble on to Will Arnett. It was great and made me want to watch Arrested Development again. I think this needs to be seen, and as luck would have it, it's already on the internets. Enjoy

Part 1



Part 2

Dunking

Read a pretty good article in SI today, (yea the magazine....yea they still have that, if only for the swimsuit issue but still) and it had a pretty sweet article on dunking (basketball, not your mom). Linky Here (which brings me to another point...why do I subscribe again?)

Still, there's a great shot of a Vince Carter jam in the olympics that I have not seen until then...er now....whatever tense it's suppossed to be in. I think it's bloody fantastic! (bloody? what the hell are you British now?)

The aftermath of that dunk is arguably better than the dunk itself.

Carter first garnered national attention for his high-flying brand of play during his three years at North Carolina. NBA renown came with his novel "elbow dunk" to clinch victory in the 2000 dunk contest. But international acclaim would follow months later during America's run to the gold medal at the Sydney Olympics, where his eye-popping dunk over French 7-footer Frédéric Weis became known worldwide as le dunk de la mort ("the dunk of death").

How fucking awesome is that? The whole country made fun of that guy, which is really bad since the French themselves are the ass of many jokes (you see what I did there?). To be the ass of the jokes by the people that are constantly picked on...well there's not much worse than that.

Here's another dunk they mention in the article....Baron Davis dunk over Kirilenko in the 07 playoffs. Nasty.

Go HERE for more sweet dunks...all linked in one place. Nice job.

This is....Greatness

I can't stop laughing at this.

What's Scarier?

Option A:

News Story



Option #2:

Definetly need to see this.

Does Judd Apatow have a name for his movies like Kevin Smith's View Askew Universe? He needs one. This time Freaks and Geeks stars Seth Rogen and James Franco are back. I'm curious to see which other of the Apatow crew show up in this one.



With The Dark Knight and Indiana Jones, this should be a another great summer for movies.

Stonebriar Sheraton Hotel

Just about complete... for now. They'll do Phase 2 later this year where they add another wing to the hotel (6 or 7 stories), a convention center with a pool on the roof and a parking garage.

Exterior Shots






Guestrooms







Some shots of the 1st Floor public areas.
Obviously they are still not done with the light fixture. They've since finished the fixture and added furnature since I first posted (2-22-08). I'll try to get an update.

They call this the "Link" area. It'll have computers on it.
Pictures of the Kitchen



Ugly carpet in the meeting rooms.

Picture of the ceiling in the meeting rooms

Pictures of the reception desk and the marble top.

Count'em

Call these optical illusions (Illusions Michael...tricks are what a whore does for money...or candy) if you will. It took me a while, but I think I've gotten them all.







(By the way, I think the last one was the weakest of the bunch)


See what you say? I'll post the answers in the comment section soon, just incase you're completly lost.

Thomas Goes to the Bathroom....Hilarity Ensues

Soo let me get this straight. A "meskin" abortion clinic is a Honky buffet?
I had not seen this one until recently. I laughed. I'm actually a little creeped out by this one...
Well this should save me the 8 hour drive.
I wonder if they card.
This one's hilarious to me...and it's also how I refer to rough toilet paper ever since.

This one's only funny if you know our Superintendent Jorge. Apparently the field thinks he's some sort of ninja turtle.

This post reminds me...I really should put up some completed photos of the hotel. Stay tuned!

Sarah Silverman & Matt Damon

Because I needed something to make me laugh on a Saturday that has started out shitty.



By the way, it's borderline (so's your mom) but it's probably not safe for work.