Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Texican08 and his roomate get their hunting bows stolen at a ring dunking party.
The Main Thread: "Need your help texags...lets get this guy"

It's 23 pages now, but it's worth the 30 minute read to get it all up. It's scary how quickly this place works and how much information they gathered. Don't

Between 9:00 PM and 2:00 AM: Unidentified dew-bag shows up at friend of a friend’s ring dunking party. Having previously lost his Blackberry, said dew-bag decides to steal some stuff from the party and sell it on ebay. Dew-bag locates two bows in the garage and decides to put his plan into effect.

MONDAY, APRIL 16, 2007
Sometime Midafternoon: Ring Dunker (aka Texican) realizes his bows are gone and reports it to cops who unfortunately tell him there isn’t much that can be done. Texican formulates his own plan to scour ebay for possible Bow auctions.

Sometime after Midafternoon: Dew-bag creates two new ebay auction listings saying he has to sell bows because they are collecting dust in his attic. Texican stumbles upon said auctions and realizes, “holy ****, thats my stuff! And some dew-bag was dumb enough to put it on ebay.”

After contemplating going to the cops, Texican decided to turn to a much more efficient crime solving organization: TEXAGS.COM.

11:44 PM: Texican creates a post on Texags asking for any information or suggestions. He has the suspect’s email address from sending him a question on ebay.

11:53 PM: Texags poster, BosAg06, identifies dew-bag, by cross checking his email address with myspace. Dew-bag identified only as “Joey.”

11:55 PM: Picture of Joey is posted on the internet. Unbeknownst to Texags posters, Texican recognized Joey and immediately calls his friend who knows him to find out his info. At this point, the crime is solved, and no further investigation is required, but this is Texags, and it don't work like that.

12:15-16 AM: Unsatisfied with just a first name, a face, and a hometown, the Texags “stockers” carry onward. Cross-checking his hometown, first name, range of birthdates, AggieG15 joins the College Station network on Facebooks and locates a Facebook profile (after one false positive) with a full name. Joey will now be known as jQ4.

12:22 AM: jQ4, after an apparent tip from his friend that Texican was on the way, pulls down the ebay auctions and loads up the hot merchandise and hauls ass out of town. Meanwhile back at Texags, many posters begin to wonder where Texican has gone, they have found his man, and want validation.

12:24 AM: A search of Yahoo people reveals jQ4's home residence in Richardson, Texas. As well as the name of his father, and a home phone number.

12:29 AM: Texags is clamoring for contact from Texican, and has decided to turn their awesome powers to locating him.

12:37-39 AM: Using an obscure post by Texican on the Classifieds board found by DanTheMan55, Texaggers locate his email address. Texican’s personal info is found using the A&M directory. Texags poster, AggieG15, places a random call to Texican that probably goes something like this: “Hello....Yes, is this Texican from Texags?.....Uhhhhh...yeah, who is this?.....I’m a texags poster, and I just wanted to tell you that we figured out who has your bow, you gotta go check your thread!......ummm, okay, I’m already at the dudes house but thanks anyway.”

In the meantime, texag poster, Flash Goodson, displays his mad internet skilz by posting Texican’s facebook profile, which leads to the revelation that the caller’s girlfriend went to high school with him.

12:52 AM: jQ4 is also located in TAMU directory, along with address and phone number.

12:56 AM: A search of jQ4's name on google, reveals that his father is on the board of some Young Golfer’s Association, and also reveals that his father gave a ringing endorsement of something called Swish22 that apparently made jQ4 a real life hoopsta!

1:11 AM: A search of both the Collin County and Dallas County appraisal district records (Richardson is in both) reveals appraised value of the Q homestead, confirms previously posted address, confirms father name from google search, and provides mother’s name. Also provides map of location of homestead.

1:45 AM: A google search of jQ4's mother’s names reveals that she was recently elected to the Richardson school board.

1:59 AM: A modified yahoo search locates article about jQ4's mother’s involvement in the community and reveals her occupation.

2:07 AM: A search of her employer’s website reveals her email address.

2:22-24 AM: Texagger, m-walker, makes contact with Texican and receives the story on what went down. m-walker lets the Texags world know Texican is over at jQ4's house and awaiting the return of stolen bows. Also supplies the Texaggers with the alleged motive.

2:48 AM: Texican RETURNS! Tells the tale of the tip-off, and the attempted dump 90 miles outside of town. Relays the fact that he is waiting while jQ4 goes to pick-up the bows, which could take an hour and a half.

3:50 AM: After a much anticipated wait, the bow is returned to Texican. No video was taken of the return, but there was apparently no violence. jQ4 attempts to justify the theft by claiming our hero, Texican, stole his blackberry.

My favorite part: At this point, the crime is solved, and no further investigation is required, but this is Texags, and it don't work like that.

Epic thread and another reason why Texags is greatness.

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