Tuesday, February 24, 2009

My New Addictions

For the past few days, I've been reading 2 sites any chance I get. 

Secret Tweet
SecretTweet was created to allow Twitter users to share secrets anonymously.

...and holy shit some of these are a doozie. Examples:
  • If I have an abortion, I'll never know which of my married lovers had an unsuccessful vasectomy.
  • I am in love with my (male) best friend. He thinks I'm a lesbian. In truth, so did I, until I met him.
  • My wife wanted to be a swinger, so I let her have sex with my best friend, but when I finally get a chance, she wants it to be over...

F*** My Life - "My life sucks but I don't give a fuck"

These "confessions" are more along the line of embarrassing stories from your life.
  • Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

  • Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

  • Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
  • Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

  • Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

  • Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

There good for a laugh...and they make your life seem less lame. Not my life though, I'm awesome.

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